OK... What about divorce?

Wow! I don’t remember when a sermon stirred up this much conversation. Interestingly, what I’ve heard focuses not on the main point, but on a topic briefly mentioned. Sunday, I presented our need to have clearly communicated expectations of behavior for our community of faith. To illustrate that such a “list” is appropriate, I summarized Jesus’ list from Matthew chapter five. Number 6 seems to be the one to cause the most stir. Many of us drew a painful breath and held it as I read, “Do not divorce—Do not marry someone divorced.” One of our Shepherds told me his mind ran through a list of people that might be distressed by such an unmitigated restatement of Jesus words. A member related to me her attempt to clarify to another that I wasn’t just outright rejecting anyone divorced. She explained that my point was about needing a clear list of expected behaviors and that on the topic of divorce I would look at a lot of other Scripture. I affirmed that her response was both accurate and appreciated. Another member expressed concern that I had virtually skipped over divorce and treated it too lightly. Yet another appreciated both my willingness to address the topic and Oak Ridge’s willingness to help people heal as they go through the very painful process of divorce recovery. He also appreciated us offering space to K. Hott for the Parenting Through Separation and Divorce class. I wondered what she was thinking so I called her. She focused on the call to be a community of faith and our need to help each other live out the behaviors that reflect that community. She heard the reference to divorce only in the context of all those behaviors Jesus listed. K also emphasized that in her work she helps people in second marriages recognize their part in the failure of the first marriage. She said the healing necessary for the success of the second marriage has to include a humble willingness to change. I told her I have yet to meet someone who saw the divorce they had been through a divorce as a good thing. At times I have agreed a divorce was necessary and unavoidable. Never have I believed that God or anyone else involved was truly pleased with the situation. That seems to be Jesus’ reason for including it in his list. God doesn’t want our expected behaviors to include divorce is an option for a difficult marriage. Jesus does not offer adultery as an exception to the rule. God would rather have reconciliation, healing, renewed commitment, earned trust, and healthy marriages. Those are the expected behaviors. When a couple chooses other behaviors they need healthy discernment, supportive wisdom and spiritual guidance from their faith community. It may be that one or both of the spouses has done irreparable damage and the marriage must be dissolved. Let’s not pretend God or any of us are “ok” with that situation. God weeps that his children suffer so. Malachi 2:15-16 No one who has even a small portion of the Spirit in him does this. What did our ancestor do when seeking a child from God? Be attentive, then, to your own spirit, for one should not be disloyal to the wife he took in his youth. "I hate divorce," says the LORD God of Israel, "and the one who is guilty of violence," says the LORD who rules over all. "Pay attention to your conscience, and do not be unfaithful." I would like anyone interested in discussing this topic further to join me from 6:30-8:00 pm Sunday night March 8th for Conversation. Perhaps we can have a different Conversation topic each of the remaining 2nd Sunday nights this year.